"Do you know why some people have hair and others don't?" ... "The people that don't have any hair have perfect heads, everyone else had to cover theirs up with hair."

-Our school counselor, who happens to be missing a little bit of hair on top.

"Oh, I just thought....are you her daughter?"

-student to my visiting friend, Brittni, about how she knows me.

Side note: This happened again in a different setting.
Student: *looks up weather in class* "Oooo, it's 40ºF outside!" Me: *shakes head* "check again" S: "Ooooo, it's 16ºF outside!" Student proceeds to "hula dance" while singing: "It is so warm outside."
This happened last week while we were in the middle of a blizzard with up to 70 mph winds...
"Can you tear it out? I'm TEARible."

-pun itself was pointed out by another student who heard the question

"What is my favorite farm animal?" ... "Fried Chicken."
"When you die, can I have your mascara?"

-student super dedicated to the fact that I wore mascara today.