A casual joke... Student A: "Why did the baby cry?" Teacher: "I don't know, why did the baby cry?" A: "No, you have to guess." T: "Because it was sad." A: "No because the dog barked at it." Student B: "That's not a..." A: "Sure, sure, sure, sure" *while waving off Student B's comment*
S: "Are you gonna get a husband?" Me: "I don't know where I'd get one. Do you think you can order one off Amazon?" S: "Yeah, for like $1,000." Me: "Nah, I don't have that kind of money right now."
"Did you know that if you were a cool teacher...if you were a cool teacher, you'd have apples for when we get hungry."

-new student who was hungry an hour after lunch

"When you die, can I have your mascara?"

-student super dedicated to the fact that I wore mascara today.