Overheard at the Store
Clerk: “How do you pronounce your name?” Me: “uh-lee-tha” Clerk: “Was your mom biting her tongue?”

            -Clerk after seeing the name on my credit card.

  It took me a long minute to figure out it was a similar question to one someone else had asked me a few years ago:
“Do you have a lisp?”
"When you die, can I have your mascara?"

-student super dedicated to the fact that I wore mascara today.