While drinking out of a school issued water bottle that they aren't allowed to take home:

Student A: *serious and curious* "Do you know how to wash dishes?"

Me: *cautious* "Yes...why?"

Student A: "Could you take my water bottle home and wash it?" *sly smile*

(My inner thoughts - adiiiiiiii...but also yes...I've been meaning to for a while now.)

During journal writing time a student asked how to spell 'spaghetti' which was then written on the board for everyone...that same student thirty seconds later:

Student A: "Adii, I don't know how you spell 'basghetti'

Having just shown our super worm, Thunder, to the class and introduced that he is in fact going to be going through metamorphosis soon while becoming a beetle.

Student A: "Ewww yuck."

Me: "Yes, we'll probably release him after. I don't want a beetle in our classroom."

Student B: "Nooooooo! I have him?"

Me: "Sure, you can take him home."

Student C: "Me too?"

Me: "You can share him, one week at B's house, one week at C's house."

*Student B and C whisper about how they are going to share custody*

Student D: "You could just cut him in half."

...

Me: "Then what would he be?"

Student D: *smiles* "Dead."

Almost a wise king moment. Almost.

Student A: "Guess who's Ms. [letter]? Not the old lady kind."

Student A: "Duck, duck..."

Student B: "MONGOOSE"

A: “I wanna be down on earth so I can go to Russia.” Me: "Why do you want to go to Russia?" A: "So I can be Chinese! ...Japanese!" B: "They have talking bears." Me: "Where?" Multiple People: "In Russia."