During bathroom break:
Student: "Ms. Duchene, do you EVER go to the bathroom?"
Mysteries of being a teacher.
A casual joke... Student A: "Why did the baby cry?" Teacher: "I don't know, why did the baby cry?" A: "No, you have to guess." T: "Because it was sad." A: "No because the dog barked at it." Student B: "That's not a..." A: "Sure, sure, sure, sure" *while waving off Student B's comment*
Student: " Want to hear a long joke?" ... Student: "Joooooooooooooooooooooooooke."

Conversations I Don’t Want to Have with My Students: Is That a Hickey?

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S1: "I got all straight A's." S2: "Nuh uh, you got crooked A's." ...
S1: "Wait so is nobody going to take [Susan's] place?"

In reference to a student being absent for Head's Up 7-Up.

S2: "In your wet dreams." Me: "Excuse me...?" S2: "They asked if someone was going to take her place and so we have to say 'in our wet dreams." Me: "Hey...come here real quick, I want to talk to you about something..."  
S: "Are you gonna get a husband?" Me: "I don't know where I'd get one. Do you think you can order one off Amazon?" S: "Yeah, for like $1,000." Me: "Nah, I don't have that kind of money right now."