During a reward lunch in the classroom, students watched Pink Panther and a child got kidnapped by the rouse of an ice cream truck. She's snatched up into the ice cream truck by a butterfly net after she received her treat.

Student: "At least she got to keep the ice cream."

While grabbing a treat for recycling after school:

Student: "I forgot to tell you a secret."

Me: *whispers* "what is it?"

Student: "We got a new little dog."

Me: "Oh, wow! What kind?"

Student: "A boy. My mom doesn't like the girl ones because they always make babies...[pause]...and they get their period."

While working on fractions in math class.

Student A: They're gonna be you in the future.

While drinking out of a school issued water bottle that they aren't allowed to take home:

Student A: *serious and curious* "Do you know how to wash dishes?"

Me: *cautious* "Yes...why?"

Student A: "Could you take my water bottle home and wash it?" *sly smile*

(My inner thoughts - adiiiiiiii...but also yes...I've been meaning to for a while now.)