[Typed into draft on March 14th…my how things have already changed.]
Student A: “Did you know the Coronavirus is here in Alaska?”
Student B: “My mom says if you say that word, you have to wash your hands.”
During a reward lunch in the classroom, students watched Pink Panther and a child got kidnapped by the rouse of an ice cream truck. She's snatched up into the ice cream truck by a butterfly net after she received her treat.
Student: "At least she got to keep the ice cream."
While grabbing a treat for recycling after school:
Student: "I forgot to tell you a secret."
Me: *whispers* "what is it?"
Student: "We got a new little dog."
Me: "Oh, wow! What kind?"
Student: "A boy. My mom doesn't like the girl ones because they always make babies...[pause]...and they get their period."
While working on fractions in math class.
Student A: They're gonna be you in the future.
While drinking out of a school issued water bottle that they aren't allowed to take home:
Student A: *serious and curious* "Do you know how to wash dishes?"
Me: *cautious* "Yes...why?"
Student A: "Could you take my water bottle home and wash it?" *sly smile*(My inner thoughts - adiiiiiiii...but also yes...I've been meaning to for a while now.)
During journal writing time a student asked how to spell 'spaghetti' which was then written on the board for everyone...that same student thirty seconds later:
Student A: "Adii, I don't know how you spell 'basghetti'
Having just shown our super worm, Thunder, to the class and introduced that he is in fact going to be going through metamorphosis soon while becoming a beetle.
Student A: "Ewww yuck."
Me: "Yes, we'll probably release him after. I don't want a beetle in our classroom."
Student B: "Nooooooo! I have him?"
Me: "Sure, you can take him home."
Student C: "Me too?"
Me: "You can share him, one week at B's house, one week at C's house."
*Student B and C whisper about how they are going to share custody*
Student D: "You could just cut him in half."
Me: "Then what would he be?"
Student D: *smiles* "Dead."
Almost a wise king moment. Almost.
No spears, but a lot of elementary ninjas and some near mass mutiny. Being the Lord of the Fruit Flies has finally come to an end.