students

Pointing to my trailer:
Student: "Remember when I stood outside that window and watched you talk on the phone to your mom while you ate dinner?"
     
Introduces the Solar System to students. Puts up picture of planets in order from the Sun. Only read the first three planets aloud to the students.
Student A: "Uranus!" Hoard of Students: *snickers* Uranus! *laughter* Uranus! Teacher: Could you explain why that is so funny? Students: *dead silence* Teacher: Okay, then we're done laughing at names of things.
Class heads into hallway and Teacher debates stopping students to have them explain why "Uranus" is funny to a coworker. Teacher can't keep a straight face just thinking about bringing it up to another adult. Lets moment pass.      
Student approaching me for help with classwork.
Student A: "Duche!" Me: "What did you say?" Student A: "Nothing" Student B: "Ms. Duche!" Hoard of Students: "Can we call you that? Ms. Duche? Ms. Duche! Duche! Duche! ..." Me: "No."
     
A casual joke... Student A: "Why did the baby cry?" Teacher: "I don't know, why did the baby cry?" A: "No, you have to guess." T: "Because it was sad." A: "No because the dog barked at it." Student B: "That's not a..." A: "Sure, sure, sure, sure" *while waving off Student B's comment*
S1: "I got all straight A's." S2: "Nuh uh, you got crooked A's." ...
S1: "Wait so is nobody going to take [Susan's] place?"

In reference to a student being absent for Head's Up 7-Up.

S2: "In your wet dreams." Me: "Excuse me...?" S2: "They asked if someone was going to take her place and so we have to say 'in our wet dreams." Me: "Hey...come here real quick, I want to talk to you about something..."  
S: "Are you gonna get a husband?" Me: "I don't know where I'd get one. Do you think you can order one off Amazon?" S: "Yeah, for like $1,000." Me: "Nah, I don't have that kind of money right now."